To get the full story, start with EPISODE 1
‘OK, I have something!’
Next thing you know, we were asking for an appointment with the Tsar of the button lobby in their impressive art-deco-crossed-with-a-beetle HQ, complete with their cringe worthy motto: `Buttons: for when a zipper just ain’t gonna fly`.
‘You want what now?’ billowed the head seamstress.
‘A non-perforated eardrum might come in handy,’ I ventured. ‘Well, I mean, the vigilante market can be quite lucrative, don’t you think?’
‘No,’ her voice resounded with disdain, ‘those philistines only believe in the functional aspect and are totally blind to the artistic potential of the button.’
I wish there would be an effective way to narrate a facepalm.
Still, I pressed on.
‘OK, but we need your help. Really need it. Otherwise we’re only left with Velcro and I think I speak for everyone when I say that nobody wants to go there.’
‘Ugh, velcroists are so derivative and utterly frivolous,’ Bifidus finally intervened. ’ Each and every one of them should be dropped down amidst a field of thistles’
‘Quite,’ she added.
Oh great, bonding over hating on Velcro, the slow kid of the sartorial world. Anyways, in the end, the silly old bat did agree to give us someone who might be able to help, one of their – and I swear I never imagined someone with that sort of job could exist – buttor. It’s like a sculptor, but they do buttons. Of course, we’re not talking about assembly line work here – it’s all about the conceptual side of button creation. Which, as I understand means that there isn’t much in the way of buttons actually being made, but a lot of thinking about how one should go about doing some exceptionally pretty ones is involved in the process.
‘My name is Buga.’
Her name *was* Buga.
Of course it was. To my surprise, she didn’t have a fake French accent, but she made up for it by generally considering everyone outside her person utter rubbish. Mimes with berets could learn a thing of two from her.
‘So, what is the plan?’, she asked over what must have been the most awkward coffee I have had in public for a while. Why? You see, although opposable thumbs are great, reverting back to them after having paws for a while is not that easy. It’s almost like paws are an old friend, who’s been there with you for the longest of times. So, as you can imagine, not getting piping hot liquid unto my chest was taking up a lot of my attention, so I just added:
‘Well, actually, we were hoping we might… uhm… brainstorm this.’
‘Oh, so you’ve no idea.’
‘Not really, no. But then again, we’re not exactly in the saving the day business’, Bifidus said, ‘so can you really blame the dilettante?’