Hmmology – episode 13: The importance of being important…er

To get the full story, start with EPISODE 1

Now, Bifidus is on the tiny side, as the natural world goes. And it’s quite difficult for small animals to choose a human form that’s sturdy enough to resist the onslaught of their temper tantrums. If you add to that the sound of your inner clock ominously ticking away, you get a sense of the barely contained explosion that is Bifidus.

‘Ok, so what exactly do you want then, Buga?’, I said, taking a shot at damage control.

‘Respect.’

I groaned internally.

owl
Source: Andy Morffew

‘Not for me, as such, but for my work’, she went on.

‘But you haven’t done anything yet!’ said Bifidus, briefly interrupting his compulsive chewing of his ruffles. Wait a minute… why was she wearing ruffles? Without a codpiece, I mean. Sometimes, he left me wondering…

Buga shook her head.

‘That’s not the point. I haven’t done anything for you, true. But I’ve done plenty of things people told me to do in order to be happy, and yet happy I am not. And it’s time to have a serious conversation about it.’

Bifidus scratched her chin, tore off one of her buttons and began thoughtfully nibbling it. My first instinct was to do the same, possibly accompanied by relieving myself on a fire hydrant, but I gathered that since we’ve already gone so far down the rabbit hole, why not strut along, see where it leads us. Also, there was no fire hydrant nearby.

hydrant sock couture
Source: mark

‘This sounds like a valid concern’, I conceded, ‘and I’m sure it’ll make for an eye-opening conversation at some point, but now is not the time.’

‘Why not?’

‘Why? Well, think of our priorities, woman! We have some pressing business to attend to. And then, when things get back to normal, maybe we can…’

‘No.’

There she was again. La dame Rubidoux had this ability to utter arresting NO-es. When she said ‘no’, it was like someone going just ahead of you and stealing all the tracks from under your train of thought.

‘I’m sorry?’ I tried, weakly.

‘Things will never just… get back to normal. When do they ever? And what is this normal you speak of? Who told you this particular thing you’re trying to do… this… this quest for pulling up panties or whatever it is you are doing is the most stringent problem, and not the ridiculous self-proclaimed crusade it most definitely sounds like? Baaah!’

seagulls are bastards
Source: george erws

She had a point and she was laying it pretty thick. Still, you cannot fault me for trying…

‘Well, it sort of is important. We’re saving the day.’

Buga looked unimpressed.

‘Ok, so maybe we’re pulling up the pants of those who keep us safe. Which is still a pretty big deal, come on!’

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