Hmmology – episode 16: Life goals and some other monkey business

To get the full story, start with EPISODE 1

‘You can’t have I WANNA LIVE LONGER as a life goal.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because… that’s cheating,’ I said. ‘And also, it doesn’t solve anything, really. Once you’ve got that, you still have to find something to do with yourself before you die.’

‘But you just did, though’. Bifidus was clearly unaware of what my problem was. I wasn’t particularly sure either, but finding what to do with yourself in life shouldn’t be as easy as that. That’s something I learned through years and years of humaning and damn it if I’d let a four-legged puff of fur get away so easily.

hamster
Source: Su–May

‘No! You’ve just postponed the struggle. It’s procrastination 101.’

‘What? OK, I’m calling bullshit on this one. Aren’t life goals something you do to make you feel like your life has meaning and some impact on the world around you? ‘Cause  it just seems to me like my idea checks and double-checks out, pup!’ he concluded, darting a vicious look towards me. Those are, of course, always rather unpleasant, but I find they are more unsettling when originating on the faces of creatures you wouldn’t normally associate with fierceness. It’s like seeing a monkey, doing the war dance with a machine gun. Looks funny, but feels quite deadly as well.

monkey with a gun
Source: Pascal

‘That’s cute, but you’re just wrong. That’s not how it works. Life goals are not about doing something you want and then patting yourself on the back, job well done. ’

‘No? Well, what’s it about then, genius?’

‘First off, you’re not supposed to have just ONE life goal, in case – God forbid! – you actually manage to reach it. And sure, some of them should be or at least, feel achievable and relevant to your well-being, but a sizable chunk should just be like a kick to your own balls – there to remind you what this game is all about. That death is scary and you must keep busy – so busy, in fact, that you inevitably end up regretting you don’t have enough time in a lifetime for the shit that you set yourself to do in order to forget about how little time you had to begin with and oh, my God, you’re gonna die!’

deadly cat with bow
Source: Paul Anderson

Bifidus looked at me in shock and with a considerable amount of concern in her eyes. I always thought that when one is in shock, one should be allowed to be selfish, and how anyone can squeeze in any sort of sentiment towards anything outside their persona is beyond me, but there you go!

‘What’s wrong with you, Z? You think like a damned human! Next thing you know, you’ll want to wear clothes.’

‘I AM wearing clothes!’

dog in superman costume
Source: istolethetv

‘… while in your true form. Snap out of it, pup, you’re scaring me.’

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