To get the full story, start with EPISODE 1
‘I know what we should do’, ejaculated Bifidus, a bit too enthusiastically for my taste and peace of mind. You always have to watch out with people who suddenly feel like they’ve had a brilliant idea. This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with some fool thinking they’ve had an idea that hasn’t already been repeatedly proven utterly stupid by its collision with reality’s governess-like gaze.
‘What do you suggest then?’ I was actually getting a full-body workout as a result of my intense cringing. Still a less boring way to keep in shape than running.
‘Fall in love!’
Silence fell between us, heavy, like a midnight snack.
‘Excuse me?’ I ventured, moments later.
‘That’s what we should do. Well, I mean, I don’t know about you, but I feel like I should fall in love!’
Some people say that madness is like a crust that often covers a puffy center of genius in a person. If you ask me though, I would generally say that madness is what is left of a creature after even stupidity has given up on it. But, I don’t know, maybe I just haven’t met the right kind of mad until now.
‘Sorry… ok, time out! Who or what happened to you? What is this about now?’
‘Well, nothing and no one just yet. But I don’t see why we couldn’t rectify that with a nice shower, a hint of perfume and a night out’, Bifidus added most loquaciously.
‘Ok, so how… how exactly would this help you? And I do mean YOU, because – by the giant wheel of the cosmic hamster! – I know I’ll have none of this, thank you very much!’
‘You said my wanting to expand hamsters’ lifespan was not exactly worthy of a life goal, right?’
‘Well, uhm…’ I scrambled for some satisfyingly elusive words to rephrase my earlier statement as something that took absolutely no stance on the issue, only with many aseptic, neat-sounding words. As you might have guessed by now, I failed.
‘I think you might be right. Quality over quantity’, she said. ‘I really don’t know what came over me. I’m not the sort of chap who’d buy things in bulk anyway.’
‘Would you mind slowly approaching something that might resemble… uhm… sense?’
‘It’s about that whole thing. Two creatures, but in the end, it all comes down to that one glorious whole!’
‘I’m not sure what the etiquette is about sharing a hole.’ I mumbled suspiciously.
‘No, man… there’s no whole until you find that special one.’
‘That is clearly wrong. All four of mine are fine without any external interference.’
Bifidus was partly puzzled, partly annoyed. The nice thing about the stage in our friendship we were in at the time was that we could both take a step back, evaluate the total idiocy of the other’s point of view, and then muster the necessary patience to explain things in a more dumb-friendly manner. That was clearly what Bifidus was about to do…