To get the full story, start with EPISODE 1
‘Why do they do this?’ Bifidus asked with a flat tone of voice that felt rather scary.
‘Why give a creature a need for a purpose only to then have the rest of its life prove no purpose can be good enough?’
‘Oh, B… they’re nothing but humans. And look, we probably just spent too much time on two feet. Tell you what, let’s do some serious detox, eh? No more humaning for the rest of the week. You’ll forget about this whole mess just like that!’
I tried to sound reassuring.
‘But… I’ve already wasted so much time!’
‘Of what? Of your statistically-speaking extremely mediocre existence?’
Probably not the most considerate words I could’ve uttered given the circumstances, but I find kindness a bit of a chore when the numbers and facts are on my side. I mean there is nothing wrong with not being all that special. Everyone wants to be special but if all of us are – lo! and behold – there is nothing special about being special. That’s pretty straightforward, isn’t it? Why stop there though? It should follow that if so many of us are mediocre, being one shouldn’t be such a let-down. Ironically, because it’s not that special.
Bifidus started crying.
‘Well, mediocre is good.’ I felt like I was in a ditch but – all things being equal – digging seems to me a rather purposeful activity.
‘ It’s literally the middle road. This is what most of us are like and, sure, it’s not grand, but at least we’re halfway decent. Or, possibly, not that bad.’ Eh, it was about right.
‘Would you be able to sell motivational posters based on decency?’ he asked.
‘Alright, so what if you eventually realize you don’t have it in you to be the hero? Because that’s the basic assumption, right? I want life to be about drama, grand gestures and big hair because that looks like something I was born to join in.’
‘Zeus… you know I’ll be dead in a year or two, don’t you? Regret is still a loanword for hamsters.’
‘So it’s a lot to process. You’re getting to the fine print while I’m barely grasping at straws here. I don’t know how you do it. How you juggle with all these feelings and anxieties and still manage to have three meals a day – which, by the way, isn’t a bit weird for a dog? It’s almost like you’ve thought of all these things before!’
‘Well, maybe I have’, I said rather absent-minded.
‘How often do you do that?’, she looked genuinely curious.
‘It’s not the first time I borrowed a human, right? We all do it, occasionally. So, it’s like I said – if you spend too much time on two-feet or you have the wrong conversations, things get to you. That’s why you talk about the weather. Although, that’s turning into something contentious nowadays too.’