Hmmology – episode 27: Cogitation intensifies

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‘It is fascinating though’, Bifidus intervened dreamily ‘how much of the stuff that goes into being a human is devoid of verbs.’

That seemed just a bit out of the blue. It looked as if an ideation can-of-worms had been opened and it reeked bad enough to bring a whole jumbo jet down. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 27: Cogitation intensifies”

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Hmmology – episode 26: The Audacity of ‘Decent Enough’

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‘Why do they do this?’ Bifidus asked with a flat tone of voice that felt rather scary.

‘Do what?’

‘Why give a creature a need for a purpose only to then have the rest of its life prove no purpose can be good enough?’

‘Oh, B… they’re nothing but humans. And look, we probably just spent too much time on two feet. Tell you what, let’s do some serious detox, eh? No more humaning for the rest of the week. You’ll forget about this whole mess just like that!’ Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 26: The Audacity of ‘Decent Enough’”

Hmmology – episode 21: All You Need is Love (But Only After You’ve Secured a Plethora of Other Things)

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‘I know what we should do’, ejaculated Bifidus, a bit too enthusiastically for my taste and peace of mind. You always have to watch out with people who suddenly feel like they’ve had a brilliant idea. This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with some fool thinking they’ve had an idea that hasn’t already been repeatedly proven utterly stupid by its collision with reality’s governess-like gaze.

‘What do you suggest then?’ I was actually getting a full-body workout as a result of my intense cringing. Still a less boring way to keep in shape than running.

‘Fall in love!’ Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 21: All You Need is Love (But Only After You’ve Secured a Plethora of Other Things)”

Hmmology – episode 20: About Plots as a Stringent Necessity

say what?

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Perhaps I was being unfair and it was up to me to break this task into reasonably-sized morsels. It’s not that surprising after all that these poor fellows have a pathological fear of long-term plans. It stands to reason when you’re bound to push up the daisies in a couple of years.

Then again, it’s not like humans are that much better at making plans, even though we practically live for eons by hamster standards. Actually, from a rodent point of view, humanity is quite useless. All that lifespan and what have we to show for it? Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 20: About Plots as a Stringent Necessity”

Hmmology – episode 16: Life goals and some other monkey business

monkey with a gun

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‘You can’t have I WANNA LIVE LONGER as a life goal.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because… that’s cheating,’ I said. ‘And also, it doesn’t solve anything, really. Once you’ve got that, you still have to find something to do with yourself before you die.’ Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 16: Life goals and some other monkey business”

Hmmology – episode 14: Bugasplaining

mail order feline

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Buga explained:

‘Ok, so let’s say, everything goes back to normal, the heroes resume their heroics. There will still be so many other people whose problems aren’t going to be solved by simply saving the world.’ Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 14: Bugasplaining”

Hmmology – episode 13: The importance of being important…er

seagulls are bastards

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Now, Bifidus is on the tiny side, as the natural world goes. And it’s quite difficult for small animals to choose a human form that’s sturdy enough to resist the onslaught of their temper tantrums. If you add to that the sound of your inner clock ominously ticking away, you get a sense of the barely contained explosion that is Bifidus. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 13: The importance of being important…er”

Hmmology – episode 11: Nibbles

Mr and Ms Sheeple

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‘OK, so let’s say we kind of have an ally now. How do we get the ball rollin’?’ Bifidus asked, snatching some cat treats from me. Oh, and by the way, if you were wondering why we – a hamster and a dog… a hamster and a man – were snacking on cat nibbles, know this: cat treats are the animal world’s cocaine. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 11: Nibbles”

Hmmology – episode 8: Sheeple with the best of them

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I looked in the general direction of my chest and there they were…

The plumpest, wiggliest, perkiest bosoms I could imagine, ironically now so close to me I could even conceivably touch them. Although I still felt the need to be cautious. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 8: Sheeple with the best of them”

Hmmology – episode 7: Zip it!

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‘Sooo…. care for some mustard?’, I said, trying to change the subject.

‘Meh… why not? Hit me up.’

Chomping away at that particularly delicious dog, I suddenly noticed a figure, frantically waving in the distance.

‘Say, who’s that guy?’ Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 7: Zip it!”