Hmmology – episode 17: Everybody wants to be a… dog?

Brush attack

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My true form. People – and, apparently, most other animals as well – talk a lot about things as if they knew what the hell they actually meant. In fact, what happens is that they’re stupid. Irredeemable so, most of them. Dumb parental fornicators, as they are known in more refined circles. Now, I still possess some dangling bits of decency, thus I shall take my rightful place in the above chastised group of cretins. But, now that I’ve admitted to and embraced my being an utter idiot, I feel I’ve earned the right to expand this topic a bit. Thusly ends my full disclaimer. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 17: Everybody wants to be a… dog?”

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Hmmology – episode 16: Life goals and some other monkey business

monkey with a gun

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‘You can’t have I WANNA LIVE LONGER as a life goal.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because… that’s cheating,’ I said. ‘And also, it doesn’t solve anything, really. Once you’ve got that, you still have to find something to do with yourself before you die.’ Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 16: Life goals and some other monkey business”

Hmmology – episode 15: Borrowing beyond your means

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I suddenly felt the absurdity of my current situation. There I was, trapped in a dog’s body, a creature able to borrow human bodies whenever it saw fit to do so, yet somehow I was unable to claim back my original form. Questions just kept coming at me from every direction, which is obviously a problem, since they then end up in a multiple thinking collision on what would have been the information highway if you’d only invested in building one for your brain, instead of endlessly watching reruns. So I just made each one pay an exorbitant road tax and things cleared up real quick. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 15: Borrowing beyond your means”

Hmmology – episode 14: Bugasplaining

mail order feline

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Buga explained:

‘Ok, so let’s say, everything goes back to normal, the heroes resume their heroics. There will still be so many other people whose problems aren’t going to be solved by simply saving the world.’ Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 14: Bugasplaining”

Hmmology – episode 13: The importance of being important…er

seagulls are bastards

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Now, Bifidus is on the tiny side, as the natural world goes. And it’s quite difficult for small animals to choose a human form that’s sturdy enough to resist the onslaught of their temper tantrums. If you add to that the sound of your inner clock ominously ticking away, you get a sense of the barely contained explosion that is Bifidus. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 13: The importance of being important…er”

Hmmology – episode 12: Sartorial angst

Police hosiery

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Ah, the job center! The place where you need to tread through only ankle-deep hope. A place normally reserved for those unfortunate souls who thought majoring in Humanities would be a good idea. Now, chock full of former super heroes who’ve suddenly discovered that they’ve always had a passion for gardening or carpentry or some such. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 12: Sartorial angst”

Hmmology – episode 11: Nibbles

Mr and Ms Sheeple

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‘OK, so let’s say we kind of have an ally now. How do we get the ball rollin’?’ Bifidus asked, snatching some cat treats from me. Oh, and by the way, if you were wondering why we – a hamster and a dog… a hamster and a man – were snacking on cat nibbles, know this: cat treats are the animal world’s cocaine. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 11: Nibbles”

Hmmology- episode 10: Cotton, button and the high life

cat empathy

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‘Well, gentle…men?,’Bifidus seemed like a confusing apparition even for the more bohemian type like Buga, `if you’re looking for advice in the saving the day department, I’m afraid I’m not your gal. Not anymore. Not since the good old days…` Continue reading “Hmmology- episode 10: Cotton, button and the high life”

Hmmology – episode 9: Brainstorm of the unwilling

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‘OK, I have something!’

Next thing you know, we were asking for an appointment with the Tsar of the button lobby in their impressive art-deco-crossed-with-a-beetle HQ, complete with their cringe worthy motto: `Buttons: for when a zipper just ain’t gonna  fly`. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 9: Brainstorm of the unwilling”

Hmmology – episode 8: Sheeple with the best of them

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I looked in the general direction of my chest and there they were…

The plumpest, wiggliest, perkiest bosoms I could imagine, ironically now so close to me I could even conceivably touch them. Although I still felt the need to be cautious. Continue reading “Hmmology – episode 8: Sheeple with the best of them”